Thursday, June 23, 2005: I was SO depressed all day today due to last night's events. And I slept on my left shoulder wrong, I guess, last night so my left shoulder blade was killing me all day. Pain doesn't help emotional depresssion. But I did do something positive. I checked into adding him to my insurance, since his insurance doesn't cover rehab and mine would. As it turns out, he is way overpaying for poor insurance and for $20 a month more than current payments on his part, I can add him to my insurance. So that will be done. But it can't be done until November, when there is "open enrollment," so we have to wait that long. Then there will probably be some kind of waiting period before something like that goes into effect, so we're looking at maybe February 2006 for rehab. Better than not at all. Also, I finally did something right at work that pleased one boss, who is usually so critical of me ("good catch" when I found something that needed substantively to be added to a letter going out), so that helped my mood a little. I still dreaded coming home. But when I arrived, I found a totally cleaned up garage! Not only was the shelf re-installed, but the entire garage was cleaned up. This is like the major project for a weekend, and it was wonderfully done. I complimented him on it because I certainly wanted him to know I appreciated it. But let's not get too hopeful here: This is the usual pattern of doing something really nice after a disastrous previous evening by way of apology. Then the cycle starts all over again. I am ever the optimist that thinks "this time" it will work. He is the only one who can stop his drinking, and this is the usual "chagrin" stage. I've seen it hundreds of times. Whether it holds this time or not I have no idea. I always hope it will. But the insurance will change in November -- a good idea regardless -- and there is always that fall-back position if we're right back in the same pattern in six to nine months. If he pulls another stunt like last night after insurance is in effect, the next day he will be apologetic enough to check himself in for 30 days. I just wonder if he's thinking now, "Well, I'll have to do rehab next February -- might as well enjoy the drinking now." Granted, he is probably not thinking that today, but he might be by tomorrow or the next day. That's the usual SOP. I was pleased that I was able to copy a DVD I rented from Blockbuster that I didn't have time to watch and I need to return it tomorrow. I've never used the DVD X Copy program I bought "just in case" -- never had a DVD I wanted to copy -- but since the movie I rented was in this format and I do want to see the movie but I need to return it tomorrow, I copied it onto DVD and tested it in a DVD player, and it seems to work. So I can return it and save it for watching later. Going to go put a heating pad on my sore shoulder blade and watch Ti-Vo'ed "Rescue Me" from Tuesday night.